IDEAS 

It takes deep courage to take risks in social situations, especially when the stakes are high, or you are battling fear or doubt. For instance, how comfortable would you be in the following circumstances ?
  • Talking to a stranger in a public space 
  • Asking someone out for a date
  • Dancing in public 
  • Taking the microphone and sharing a vulnerable idea or proposal 
  • Singing in a karaoke bar 
  • Disagreeing with what everyone else is saying
  • Not following social norms

One of the reasons these actions can be so challenging is that social rejection can make us feel very unsafe. Humans are a social species, so this makes complete sense. This said, this biological fear is irrational in that we will be completely ok if a complete stranger judges us or considers us stupid. 

In order to develop your social courage, you need to first develop a sense of self-worth that withstands criticism or rejection from others. That way, when people point and laugh, reject, or criticize you, you are able to hold and support yourself. 

While you could reach this deep sense of self-worth through thinking and emotional work, there is fast track that is available. While it is fast, it isn't necessarily pleasant ! Essentially, it involves facing challenging and rejection filled social situations. By being judged, criticized and rejected over and over again, you develop inner strength and stamina, as well as knowledge that you have what it takes to care for yourself, no matter what anyone thinks about you. 

As with all things, it is best to start with baby steps. Perhaps talking to someone at the bus stop, smiling at someone, giving a heartfelt hello. Practice makes perfect, and these social interactions can help build confidence. Additionally, make sure to make use of positive self-talk and positive reinforcement to acknowledge all of the beautiful work you are doing. 

Finally, it is helpful to realize a few key ideas: 
  • Everyone has an opinion, and their opinions don't change who you are. 
  • You can decide how much value you choose to give to other people's opinions. 
  • You will never please everyone. 
  • Displeasing people while being your authentic self (while remaining respectful) is a sign you are on a positive path. 
  • People are often more interested in their own lives than what is happening in yours. 
Interested in learning more ? We offer a Social Risk Workout, available on the training page. 



CASE STUDY 

​Renée was always the one in the background, never daring to speak up or take any social risks. She was like a shy little mouse, always trying to blend in and never stand out. Maybe it was because of her experiences with bullies when she was younger, or maybe it was just part of her personality. But one Halloween, something changed.

Renée decided to dress up as a wrestler, a bold and powerful costume that she never would have chosen before. And as soon as she put it on, she felt a surge of energy and confidence coursing through her veins. She screamed and hollered and threw herself into the festivities, not caring who was watching.

The next day, it was like Renée had awoken from a dream. She couldn't believe the things she had done the night before. But there was something different about her now. She had cracked open a door that had been closed for so long, and she could feel the fresh air and sunlight streaming in.

Slowly but surely, Renée began taking little social risks. She started speaking up more in conversations, sharing her opinions and ideas. She even started making eye contact with people and smiling more. It wasn't easy at first, but with each small step, Renée felt more and more empowered.

PRACTICES 

  • Start small with small social risks that feel challenging but not scary. 
  • Deliberately do things differently than other people in a public space to get used to the idea that you don't need to be like other people. 
  • When you notice people looking or staring at you, take deep breaths and remind yourself that you are safe.
  • Observe people that are taking social risks and notice the reactions other people are having.
  • Remind yourself that the potential rewards of taking social risks can often outweigh the potential negative consequences.
  •  Be kind to yourself when you take social risks and don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t get the desired outcome.
  • Keep a journal or list of your social risks and successes to encourage yourself to keep taking risks.

RESOURCES 

BOOKS
  • The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane 
  • The Art of Mingling: Proven Techniques for Mastering Any Room by Jeanne Martinet 
  • Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships by Daniel Goleman
  • Social Courage: How to Overcome Social Anxiety, Shyness and Fear of Rejection by Robert Yeganeh 
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie 
  • The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self—Not Just Your “Good” Self—Drives Success and Fulfillment by Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener 
  • How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndes 
  • The Art of Conversation: Change Your Life with Confident Communication by Judy Apps
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